Married to the Man of my Dreams.

Mommy to the most beautiful baby boy.

Loving Life and realizing everyday that...

it is All Worth It!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Where have I gone?

As I was perusing the blog world yesterday and seeing how creative and involved so many are i started asking myself this question. I used to be so creative and energetic. You would never find me napping on the couch over the weekend as that was my time to go and do. I always had something to do and a project I was working on. I would multitask - clean, cook, bake, create, decorate, re-decorate, plan...I never missed a birthday and I sent cards or emails or made phone calls for everyone on their special day. But suddenly (or not so suddenly) I am finding myself napping on the couch. Wishing, after the fact, that I had put a card in the mail or made some cupcakes for a co-worker. Wishing I had a bedroom that i actually loved and felt relaxed in. Wishing I had the time to make delicious meals especially at this time of year when comfort food is so wonderful. I have found that I have been convincing myself I don't have time to do these things but that's a bunch of whooy. All that I do is go to work, come home, watch TV and go to bed and then start the process all over again. So I ask myself - what has caused me to let go of my passions and of my hobbies? And i can not come up with an answer. Is it the world of IF - do I put so much into this emotionally that I have lost who I was because I am exhausted about thinking of it constantly? Is it work and the crazy market - I have been living my life in what feels like 30 day increments for over a year now. I am constantly worried that I will not have job as my boss reminds me frequently that that this market is awful and that he is "hemorrhaging" money and the largest expense he has at this office is me. . Or maybe I have just gotten lazy...i don't know. What I do know is that I want to turn it around. I want to see thru all of the visions I have for our home. I want to see thru all of the ideas I have swimming in my head that are screaming to get out. I want to get photos in my photo frames, I want to create a guest room that guests want to come back to, I want to make our bedroom a place of peacefulness and of restfulness, I want to try all of the new recipes I have piling up in my cookbook, I want to organize so we don't spend 20 minutes looking for a hammer, i want to start a cooking club, i want to actually finish a book, i want to go to Jason's softball games/football games/basketball games and cheer him on like i did once upon a time, i want to see thru some projects at work that no one has asked me to do but I think will help us out. Geez - I am tired just looking at this! ha, ha. But really - i need to motivate myself because those are the things I enjoy doing. Although I am generally a happy person - I am not happy with who i have become. So i need a plan of sorts - a 12 step program. I'll start out with baby steps (no pun intended) and go from there.
To be continued...

1 comment:

Tab said...

I love this! Your right, most of the time I find that I'm loosing parts of myself to IF, letting it get me down. Good for you for recognising all of the new projects that you want to do, keep us updated on how they go!