3 years ago when I daydreamed about pregnancy I thought it would be the most wonderful, blissful 9 months. Full of wonderment and loving my belly. Fast forward 3 years later and...well...not so much. I feel horribly guilty typing this. I want to be the blissful gal LOVING pregnancy. For the past 4 months I have posted pretty blah posts with noting but updates...instead of really using this blog as my virtual journal I have typed what I think others would want to read and not necessarily what is really going on. I have decided to derail from that would of "Cotton Candy Clouds and Rainbow Rivers" and bring on a dash of reality - in a good, productive and honest way.
Anyhow - back to pregnancy. This is hard work. I really have started to feel like my body is not my own anymore and that is just so.darn.hard. to accept/grasp. I have fleeting moments where I am just so uncomfortable in my own skin - I can't really explain it. It is just a feeling of wanting to be anywhere else, doing anything else at that exact moment. I tell myself that this feeling will pass and it always does within minutes - it is just that those minutes can bring on such emotions. On the flip side - there are times that I am just so in love with the overall process and overcome with such love that tears well up in my eyes. Jason does not know what to do with me!
Physically - I am very uncomfortable. Already. It feels as if my stomach sits right between my boobs and has shrunk to the size of a quarter. I just get SO full SO fast which is SO frustrating. I am trying to eat smaller portions through out the day but that really is a hard habit to get into when for the past thirty some years you have eaten three times a day - as much as you want! My skin on my belly feels so incredibly tight and itchy and I just wonder where we are going to find room for this baby to grow for 4 more months. Hmmmm? I just thank God I am not an Elephant whose gestational period is 640 days - 91 weeks - could you even imagine!
Sleeping has become somewhat of a chore - which bums me out - because I usually have no problems with sleep. To get comfortable I put a pillow between my knees and one along my side. The hard part comes in when I want to roll over. It is a job of complete rearrangement.
These are all small things but I think what it is is that that add up to that feeling of your body not being your own.
HOWEVER, at the end of the day - I can NOT wait to meet this incredible baby boy. Sometimes the anticipation is so overwhelming. I am so excited for him to be here and I know as soon as I lay eyes on him all of these feelings will be a distant memory.
Now before you publish flaming comment and tell me how lucky I am to be pregnant after our 2 1/2 years of trying I want you to know that I realize that. I feel that we are truly blessed and I wouldn't change it for the world. However - the reality of it is that not every single women loves pregnancy. I don't hate it - it is just not what I expected.
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